Obviously I have been pre-occupied with all things baby lately...and rightly so...10 days from today is the C-section! My husband just asked me last night: "What are we doing this weekend? Do we have anything going on?" I told him no, we'll both be around and I'm not working at all...which was on purpose since I'm again...10 days away from having another baby. To which he responded, "Good. We have a lot we need to get done!"
Clearly. Though I have been quite productive (I must say) in my nesting phase, there is still a lot that could save us some headaches if we got it done now as opposed to when I'm in the hospital or just getting home from the hospital. Rumor has it recovery from a C-section is slightly more difficult than a vaginal delivery. We shall see. So far, all the baby clothes have been washed and put in their rightful drawers. The house is on it's way to very clean. I'd give it a 85% right now. But between ultrasounds (to see if the boys has moved), regular doctors appointments and taking care of Josh, I am pooped beyond belief and there is still at least 1 more trip to Babies R Us that needs to happen before this boy gets here.
Here's what I'm hoping to accomplish this weekend:
Babies R Us run:
- pacifers
- Lansinoh
- Soothies (they saved me last time!)
- Tommy Tippee bottle nipples
- breast pads
- nipple shields (we'll see how breastfeeding goes without them, but I hear they can make all the difference in the world)
- pack n play sheets
- changing table cover
- breast milk storage bags
Things I need hubby to get out of storage:
- nursing cover
- infant bather chair
- baby car seat bases installed in both cars
- cradle (awww!)
- lamb swing (we called it the "silence of the lamb" with Joshua...is that bad? inappropriate? possibly. Regardless, it was the truth! He loved that thing!
To do:
- put away green activity table (to make room for lamb swing in living room)
- figure out where cradle will go in bedroom
- pack hospital bag for Matt & I
- finish cleaning house
- charge camera
- wash lamb swing cover
- mani/pedi with my friend :)
WHEW. I'll let you know how it all goes. But here's to a productive baby-preparation weekend!
Showing posts with label My Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Life. Show all posts
Friday, October 19, 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012
My Next 30 Years
Tomorrow I turn 30 years old...the big 3-0! And while I may at present be quite the opposite of "thirty, flirty, and thriving," I have no qualms whatsoever about leaving my 20's behind and entering a new era of my life.
Many people have asked me recently "How do you feel about turning 30?" and "Are you OK with it?" I find it funny because I guess it never occurred to me not to be OK with it. First of all, getting another year older is something that's going to happen whether I like it or not. I can spend a lot of wasted mental energy "fighting" to stay young or pretending I'm not turning 30, but at the end of the day...I am. And I think with all the craziness out there in the world today and all the bad things that could happen but don't...I'm feeling pretty blessed to be here.
Another reason I'm super OK with turning 30? My life is beyond awesome. Everything I wanted my life to look like at 30...it does. I have a beautiful marriage with a husband who is my best friend and who I love more every day. I have an amazing son who fills each of my days with joy and wonder. I have another son who will be here in about 3 weeks...and the miracle of that experience and what he will be like keeps me up at night and giddy with excitement. I have a family who loves and supports me. I have a Master's degree, my own business, and a house. I have friends who bless my life in ways I could never thank them enough for. And although money is sometimes tight, God has always provided for every single one of our needs. Yes, life is good.
In my next 30 years, I know there will be good times and bad times. I don't know exactly what the future holds. But I do know one thing: The first three decades of my life have been so amazingly blessed that I welcome the future with open arms.
Thank you, God for the gift of life, the gift of love, and all the precious gifts You give me every day.
Many people have asked me recently "How do you feel about turning 30?" and "Are you OK with it?" I find it funny because I guess it never occurred to me not to be OK with it. First of all, getting another year older is something that's going to happen whether I like it or not. I can spend a lot of wasted mental energy "fighting" to stay young or pretending I'm not turning 30, but at the end of the day...I am. And I think with all the craziness out there in the world today and all the bad things that could happen but don't...I'm feeling pretty blessed to be here.
Another reason I'm super OK with turning 30? My life is beyond awesome. Everything I wanted my life to look like at 30...it does. I have a beautiful marriage with a husband who is my best friend and who I love more every day. I have an amazing son who fills each of my days with joy and wonder. I have another son who will be here in about 3 weeks...and the miracle of that experience and what he will be like keeps me up at night and giddy with excitement. I have a family who loves and supports me. I have a Master's degree, my own business, and a house. I have friends who bless my life in ways I could never thank them enough for. And although money is sometimes tight, God has always provided for every single one of our needs. Yes, life is good.
In my next 30 years, I know there will be good times and bad times. I don't know exactly what the future holds. But I do know one thing: The first three decades of my life have been so amazingly blessed that I welcome the future with open arms.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Nesting, Nesting 1, 2, 3...
Well it's official - my C-section is scheduled for October 29. Which isn't to say this boy still couldn't surprise us and turn around to a nice head-down position before then. And it isn't to say he could surprise us all and come early...but so far all signs are pointing to October 29 as the date when this boy makes his arrival!
And there's just something about seeing the phrase "C-section Day" on the calendar in less than four weeks that is making me want to purge my house of every unnecessary thing and clean like crazy. And that's exactly what I've been doing.
Today, for instance, I de-cluttered the books on our huge bookshelf in the living room. I now have an overflowing box PLUS some other books to be donated to the library this weekend. I'm hoping while my husband's there dropping them off (what, it's not like I can LIFT the things at this stage of life!) he will also get a library card so he has a fun place to take Josh and get new books once Mommy is otherwise occupado with his baby brother. Killing to birds with one stone...lovely!
Yesterday, I cleaned like crazy until my back was KILLING ME and I was sweating...unfortunately it didn't take long (about an hour) for both of these to occur simultaneously. My mind wants to go, go, go, but my body just isn't being as cooperative as I would like it to be. Still, I have to hand it to my body...by all indications it is growing a very healthy baby boy at the moment...I feel I can't ask for much more than that from it being 4 weeks away from delivery.
I also got all the newborn clothes out and washed and put away (HOLY COW are they small!) and I am just praying every day to be ready when this little one arrives. Well, as ready as I'll ever be! Until then, I'm doing as much as I can every day to make this house a home sweet home for my (soon to be) three boys and me!
And there's just something about seeing the phrase "C-section Day" on the calendar in less than four weeks that is making me want to purge my house of every unnecessary thing and clean like crazy. And that's exactly what I've been doing.
Today, for instance, I de-cluttered the books on our huge bookshelf in the living room. I now have an overflowing box PLUS some other books to be donated to the library this weekend. I'm hoping while my husband's there dropping them off (what, it's not like I can LIFT the things at this stage of life!) he will also get a library card so he has a fun place to take Josh and get new books once Mommy is otherwise occupado with his baby brother. Killing to birds with one stone...lovely!
Yesterday, I cleaned like crazy until my back was KILLING ME and I was sweating...unfortunately it didn't take long (about an hour) for both of these to occur simultaneously. My mind wants to go, go, go, but my body just isn't being as cooperative as I would like it to be. Still, I have to hand it to my body...by all indications it is growing a very healthy baby boy at the moment...I feel I can't ask for much more than that from it being 4 weeks away from delivery.
I also got all the newborn clothes out and washed and put away (HOLY COW are they small!) and I am just praying every day to be ready when this little one arrives. Well, as ready as I'll ever be! Until then, I'm doing as much as I can every day to make this house a home sweet home for my (soon to be) three boys and me!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Small Fries
Last week I had to take BOTH my boys to the doctor because they are...small. Which shouldn't come as a shock to anyone considering their mom is (pre-pregnancy) small and their dad is no football player! However, doctors will be doctors and I have to try to put my mind at ease about it.
Josh had a weight check because since his first birthday he has struggled to gain weight. He has gained some weight, but not at the rate the doctors would like to see. The exact same thing happened to me when I was about 15 months old - from that point on in my life (again, pre-pregnancy!) I, too, struggled to gain weight. Our pediatrician doesn't think there is any reason to be concerned, given the family history, but told me it's just something we're going to have to keep an eye on...for the rest of his life. AWESOME. Still, I am thankful my boy is healthy and seems to be thriving in every other way. He's getting taller, he's talking up a storm, his memory is awesome, and he's very active. Just the other day he "read" an entire book to daddy from memory and the picture cues...I mean seriously, MIT, here we come!! :)
My other boy (still 2 months away from his due date) is now measuring small in utero, which is something that never happened with Josh. The doctor is having me do ultrasounds about every two weeks from here on out to monitor his growth and development. It's hard not to worry, but the doctor says he is just slightly smaller than she would like him to be for his gestational age. She just wants to make sure he is growing and gaining in there - and stated he would probably just be a smaller baby when he's born - maybe 6-7 lbs. rather than 7-8 or 9. That's fine with me! As long as he's healthy and growing, that's all that matters. In other news, the ultrasound revealed he is BREECH right now...UGH! My doctor said he still has time to turn around, so I am VERY hopeful he will. I was so scared to have a vaginal birth the first time around, but now that I know it's not so bad (with an epidural, of course!) I am more terrified of having to have a C-section. Especially since the recovery period is much longer and I already have a toddler at home. I know everything will work out just the way it's supposed to, but here's hoping this boy turns his little booty around (literally) in the very near future!!!
Josh had a weight check because since his first birthday he has struggled to gain weight. He has gained some weight, but not at the rate the doctors would like to see. The exact same thing happened to me when I was about 15 months old - from that point on in my life (again, pre-pregnancy!) I, too, struggled to gain weight. Our pediatrician doesn't think there is any reason to be concerned, given the family history, but told me it's just something we're going to have to keep an eye on...for the rest of his life. AWESOME. Still, I am thankful my boy is healthy and seems to be thriving in every other way. He's getting taller, he's talking up a storm, his memory is awesome, and he's very active. Just the other day he "read" an entire book to daddy from memory and the picture cues...I mean seriously, MIT, here we come!! :)
My other boy (still 2 months away from his due date) is now measuring small in utero, which is something that never happened with Josh. The doctor is having me do ultrasounds about every two weeks from here on out to monitor his growth and development. It's hard not to worry, but the doctor says he is just slightly smaller than she would like him to be for his gestational age. She just wants to make sure he is growing and gaining in there - and stated he would probably just be a smaller baby when he's born - maybe 6-7 lbs. rather than 7-8 or 9. That's fine with me! As long as he's healthy and growing, that's all that matters. In other news, the ultrasound revealed he is BREECH right now...UGH! My doctor said he still has time to turn around, so I am VERY hopeful he will. I was so scared to have a vaginal birth the first time around, but now that I know it's not so bad (with an epidural, of course!) I am more terrified of having to have a C-section. Especially since the recovery period is much longer and I already have a toddler at home. I know everything will work out just the way it's supposed to, but here's hoping this boy turns his little booty around (literally) in the very near future!!!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Blessed Beyond Belief
I have been feeling so blessed lately and I just wanted somewhere to write about it - I guess this is the place! The following is a list of things I am very grateful for which have been on my mind lately:
1. Great time with family - Matt's parents and mine were recently just here for a visit - both traveling LONG distances to get here and spoiling our whole family the whole time they were here. We are so blessed to have such wonderful family that loves us so much!
2. Big, huge, unexpected surprises - because seriously, those are just always FUN.
3. That being said, I will soon be finding out the sex of my sweet little baby - and yes, I still feel I will be surprised when the ultrasound tech tells us as I would be the day of delivery...to each his own, but we are super pumped to find out!
4. Health - ours and our family's - my dad's cancer is undetectable at the moment and our family members are enjoying very good health. I have some friends struggling through cancer and other serious illness in their family - my heart just breaks for them. Thankful to God for watching over us.
5. Feeling little flutters in my tummy as I type this - I know people say 17 weeks is too early to feel anything but I DO. And I LOVE IT!!!! Yay for a healthy, sweet new life in there!
I could go on and on, but I seriously have a monster clothes pile that needs folding. I can't say I'm thankful for that - but I should be because it means we have clothes to wear and our needs are being met daily. God is so good. All the time. Just had to share!
1. Great time with family - Matt's parents and mine were recently just here for a visit - both traveling LONG distances to get here and spoiling our whole family the whole time they were here. We are so blessed to have such wonderful family that loves us so much!
2. Big, huge, unexpected surprises - because seriously, those are just always FUN.
3. That being said, I will soon be finding out the sex of my sweet little baby - and yes, I still feel I will be surprised when the ultrasound tech tells us as I would be the day of delivery...to each his own, but we are super pumped to find out!
4. Health - ours and our family's - my dad's cancer is undetectable at the moment and our family members are enjoying very good health. I have some friends struggling through cancer and other serious illness in their family - my heart just breaks for them. Thankful to God for watching over us.
5. Feeling little flutters in my tummy as I type this - I know people say 17 weeks is too early to feel anything but I DO. And I LOVE IT!!!! Yay for a healthy, sweet new life in there!
I could go on and on, but I seriously have a monster clothes pile that needs folding. I can't say I'm thankful for that - but I should be because it means we have clothes to wear and our needs are being met daily. God is so good. All the time. Just had to share!
Friday, May 25, 2012
Memorial Day Weekend
Well I wanted to be better about posting with more regularity, but I guess that hasn't been working out so well! We have been very busy (as usual!) and I am still trying to get my energy to a normal level...which I'm pretty sure will actually happen when baby # 2 goes off to college. This way, if it happens sooner, I'll just be pleasantly surprised.
We just had a very nice visit with my husband's parents and celebrated my sweet boy's SECOND birthday! I can't believe he's two already - I literally reached for the little number 2 candle for his birthday cupcake and starting crying right in the store. SO embarrassing. I'm chalking it up to pregnancy hormones. Because I can.
In other news, my parents are now currently en route to my house! We've had a busy few weeks of house guests, but it has been/will be wonderful to see everyone. We plan to celebrate Memorial Day weekend outside (it's supposed to be beautiful). Our neighborhood is having a big to-do with kids' games, hot dogs, cotton candy, face painting, etc. I'm sure little Josh will love it. Then there will be the parade on Monday morning, a cookout with friends on Monday afternoon, and date night on Monday night!
It will be a most special date night indeed, because I'm surprising my husband with a special dinner out to celebrate a major accomplishment - he has recently received notice he got tenure at the school where he teaches! I am SO proud of him for how hard he has worked, and sticking with the job/district even when the going got VERY tough. We certainly are giving ALL the glory to God, who not only continues to provide us with everything we need, but who has drawn us closer to Him and Matt and I closer as husband and wife through these last few (at times trying) years.
When Matt first found out he got the job 4 years ago, we celebrated by going to the Melting Pot for a four course fondue dinner. Now, 4 years later, I am surprising Matt with dinner at the Melting Pot again - it seems fitting, don't you think? Yes, it's expensive, but this man surely deserves a splurge!
That's the news for now - I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday and will probably be able to schedule the ultrasound then. I can't WAIT to find out if it's a little boy or a little girl in there! I'll keep you posted!! Have a great weekend!
We just had a very nice visit with my husband's parents and celebrated my sweet boy's SECOND birthday! I can't believe he's two already - I literally reached for the little number 2 candle for his birthday cupcake and starting crying right in the store. SO embarrassing. I'm chalking it up to pregnancy hormones. Because I can.
In other news, my parents are now currently en route to my house! We've had a busy few weeks of house guests, but it has been/will be wonderful to see everyone. We plan to celebrate Memorial Day weekend outside (it's supposed to be beautiful). Our neighborhood is having a big to-do with kids' games, hot dogs, cotton candy, face painting, etc. I'm sure little Josh will love it. Then there will be the parade on Monday morning, a cookout with friends on Monday afternoon, and date night on Monday night!
It will be a most special date night indeed, because I'm surprising my husband with a special dinner out to celebrate a major accomplishment - he has recently received notice he got tenure at the school where he teaches! I am SO proud of him for how hard he has worked, and sticking with the job/district even when the going got VERY tough. We certainly are giving ALL the glory to God, who not only continues to provide us with everything we need, but who has drawn us closer to Him and Matt and I closer as husband and wife through these last few (at times trying) years.
When Matt first found out he got the job 4 years ago, we celebrated by going to the Melting Pot for a four course fondue dinner. Now, 4 years later, I am surprising Matt with dinner at the Melting Pot again - it seems fitting, don't you think? Yes, it's expensive, but this man surely deserves a splurge!
That's the news for now - I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday and will probably be able to schedule the ultrasound then. I can't WAIT to find out if it's a little boy or a little girl in there! I'll keep you posted!! Have a great weekend!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
I'm Back, Preggo, and Better Than Ever!
Sorry I've been absent for...oh dear, I guess it's been over 2 months now! Well I have to say, after the long wait (seven months but it seemed like forever to us!) we are FINALLY pregnant!! And not only that, but I am at the very start of my SECOND TRIMESTER! One down, two to go!
I have to say I can't complain about my pregnancy thus far too much (especially because I longed for it!) but I definitely had my share of feeling sick. BLECH. I never actually GOT sick (again, I shouldn't be complaining!) but I felt sick all the time for the better part of 5 weeks. I know most women have it WAY worse than that, so I will just say that I was simply feeling too tired and sick and out of it to write for a while. But I'm feeling much better now so I will try to keep up posting with a little more regularity!
Needless to say, my husband and I are completely thrilled and anxiously awaiting our November 5th due date to meet this new little addition to our family. I have to say this pregnancy is different in a lot of ways - some days I hardly have time to remember I'm pregnant because I'm so busy chasing my toddler around and attempting to keep my house in SOME sort of order. And it hasn't been pretty around here, I must admit! I do believe the floors just got scrubbed on Monday for the first time all trimester. Please don't judge me. Actually, judge away. I'm still too tired to care!
Thankfully, my husband has been amazing throughout everything - majorly stepping up to the plate doing dishes, laundry, and even cleaning out the fridge (because he knew it would make me barf). It's times like these I really stop and thank God for the amazing man he gave me as a husband and the father of my child(ren)!
All right, no more time to gush - I've got cleaning to do and Sesame Street is only on for another half hour - time for this mama to get busssssy!
I have to say I can't complain about my pregnancy thus far too much (especially because I longed for it!) but I definitely had my share of feeling sick. BLECH. I never actually GOT sick (again, I shouldn't be complaining!) but I felt sick all the time for the better part of 5 weeks. I know most women have it WAY worse than that, so I will just say that I was simply feeling too tired and sick and out of it to write for a while. But I'm feeling much better now so I will try to keep up posting with a little more regularity!
Needless to say, my husband and I are completely thrilled and anxiously awaiting our November 5th due date to meet this new little addition to our family. I have to say this pregnancy is different in a lot of ways - some days I hardly have time to remember I'm pregnant because I'm so busy chasing my toddler around and attempting to keep my house in SOME sort of order. And it hasn't been pretty around here, I must admit! I do believe the floors just got scrubbed on Monday for the first time all trimester. Please don't judge me. Actually, judge away. I'm still too tired to care!
Thankfully, my husband has been amazing throughout everything - majorly stepping up to the plate doing dishes, laundry, and even cleaning out the fridge (because he knew it would make me barf). It's times like these I really stop and thank God for the amazing man he gave me as a husband and the father of my child(ren)!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Miscarriage of Justice
My heart is heavy today as I just learned yesterday that a very dear friend of mine has suffered a miscarriage. She was about 8 weeks pregnant and had just gotten used to the idea of being pregnant again - her daughter will be 1 in May! Of course, she is heartbroken, as anyone would be. Hearing her talk about everything yesterday just made me think...it's not fair!
And no, it's not. She said it was especially difficult for her to see the baby on the ultrasound and then learn that they could not detect a heartbeat. She stated, "I'm not trying to get all political but it was so apparent to me in that moment that a life is a life, even that new of a life" and it angered her that some people choose to stop life at that precious, vulnerable state. I'm sure it's the whole gamut of emotions one experiences when grieving - sadness, anger, guilt, and so many others.
I hope and pray my sweet friend can be comforted by her darling daughter during this difficult time. I know it's not fair, but I also know God is on the throne, still sovereign even in the depths of our despair. For whatever reason, that young life was cut short - and all we can do is trust that He has a plan to work things out for our good. I heard someone say once that if things worked out perfectly all the time, we would have little reason for faith and dependence on God. Ultimately, if it brings us closer to Him, the pain will be worth it.
That being said, my friend stated "I wouldn't wish this on anyone." And I have to agree with her. It makes me think of my own struggles trying to conceive and somehow, those struggles pale in comparison. I honestly think I'd rather just have one child than have to go through a miscarriage. But as my husband so rightly said last night, "That's not for us to decide."
Everything happens for a reason - it seems cliche because it's a phrase we hear so much, and it doesn't seem to bring much comfort in a time like this.
I prefer: And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those that are called according to His purpose. - Romans 8:28
That's one of my favorite verses in the whole Bible. Because I can know (not just think or postulate or guess) that God causes (not me causing by attempts to control) all things (not just some things or easy things) to work together for good and for His purpose (which, let's face it...is always better than my own).
If you think of it today, please pray for my friend and her husband. I know she would truly appreciate it.
And no, it's not. She said it was especially difficult for her to see the baby on the ultrasound and then learn that they could not detect a heartbeat. She stated, "I'm not trying to get all political but it was so apparent to me in that moment that a life is a life, even that new of a life" and it angered her that some people choose to stop life at that precious, vulnerable state. I'm sure it's the whole gamut of emotions one experiences when grieving - sadness, anger, guilt, and so many others.
I hope and pray my sweet friend can be comforted by her darling daughter during this difficult time. I know it's not fair, but I also know God is on the throne, still sovereign even in the depths of our despair. For whatever reason, that young life was cut short - and all we can do is trust that He has a plan to work things out for our good. I heard someone say once that if things worked out perfectly all the time, we would have little reason for faith and dependence on God. Ultimately, if it brings us closer to Him, the pain will be worth it.
That being said, my friend stated "I wouldn't wish this on anyone." And I have to agree with her. It makes me think of my own struggles trying to conceive and somehow, those struggles pale in comparison. I honestly think I'd rather just have one child than have to go through a miscarriage. But as my husband so rightly said last night, "That's not for us to decide."
Everything happens for a reason - it seems cliche because it's a phrase we hear so much, and it doesn't seem to bring much comfort in a time like this.
I prefer: And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those that are called according to His purpose. - Romans 8:28
That's one of my favorite verses in the whole Bible. Because I can know (not just think or postulate or guess) that God causes (not me causing by attempts to control) all things (not just some things or easy things) to work together for good and for His purpose (which, let's face it...is always better than my own).
If you think of it today, please pray for my friend and her husband. I know she would truly appreciate it.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Modest Mouse
Just today I saw (via Pinterest) one of my Young Life girls had repinned a photo to her "My Style" board. The picture was a woman essentially wearing a thin piece of cloth tied into a ribbon right by her breasts and super short jean shorts. So her navel was exposed, her thighs were exposed...and her ta tas were practically exposed!! Most alarming of all, the high school girls' caption below the picture: "So unbelievably cute."
WHAT?!!! AM I MISSING SOMETHING?!
I hate to rant and rave (and I know I sound old-fashioned here, but it's my blog and I'll be cranky if I want to), but COME ON! What is so unbelievably cute about walking around NAKED!? Well, unless you're my toddler, son, of course. Hey, there are exceptions to every rule.
Just this week in our Bible study, Beth Moore (the author) talked about the lie that we women perpetuate every time we expose our breasts, and every other area for everyone to see - of course, this excludes husbands. The lie is that we are pieces of meat, and that we feel no power or significance and so we seek power and significance from men's, and even women's wayward glances. This is especially alarming because those of us who are married would like our men's eyes to just stay on us!
I can't even imagine what my poor husband has to deal with all day long at the high school where he works...so many of the young women today are buying into this lie that the only way they are worth something is if they are considered "beautiful" by the world's standards and can gain a man's attention by using her own body.
I won't lie and say I've never struggled with perpetuating this lie...in college (even when dating my amazing husband!) I probably got too much of a thrill when someone gave me a second look and I know some of my outfits were put on with the hope that it would turn someones head - maybe the one I was dating, or maybe someone else. EW...thinking back to that makes me sick!
I'm also not saying I'm now immune to such thoughts, but I have definitely come a long way, with God's help. I agree with what Beth Moore said: "We can be beautiful, darling, adorable women...and still cover up our private parts!!" WORD.
I know I'm probably in a minority of women who feel this way, but I'm just putting it out there. I'd like to think my power and significance come from something greater than my body (especially now that it's been through pregnancy!). If I ever have a daughter, she probably won't want to be my friend during her teenage years - you know, the ones where her father and I will say: "You must be crazy if you think you're leaving the house like that, young lady!" But I'm fine with that. And even if I never have a daughter, I'd like to at least convey to the Young Life girls I work with that they are already powerful, significant women, not because of how they look or how they dress, but because of God's love for them.
That's it. That's all. Ok, love me or leave me...this is Modest Mouse, signing out for the weekend!
Your adornment must not be merely external - braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a quiet and gentle spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. - 1 Peter 3:3-4
WHAT?!!! AM I MISSING SOMETHING?!
I hate to rant and rave (and I know I sound old-fashioned here, but it's my blog and I'll be cranky if I want to), but COME ON! What is so unbelievably cute about walking around NAKED!? Well, unless you're my toddler, son, of course. Hey, there are exceptions to every rule.
Just this week in our Bible study, Beth Moore (the author) talked about the lie that we women perpetuate every time we expose our breasts, and every other area for everyone to see - of course, this excludes husbands. The lie is that we are pieces of meat, and that we feel no power or significance and so we seek power and significance from men's, and even women's wayward glances. This is especially alarming because those of us who are married would like our men's eyes to just stay on us!
I can't even imagine what my poor husband has to deal with all day long at the high school where he works...so many of the young women today are buying into this lie that the only way they are worth something is if they are considered "beautiful" by the world's standards and can gain a man's attention by using her own body.
I won't lie and say I've never struggled with perpetuating this lie...in college (even when dating my amazing husband!) I probably got too much of a thrill when someone gave me a second look and I know some of my outfits were put on with the hope that it would turn someones head - maybe the one I was dating, or maybe someone else. EW...thinking back to that makes me sick!
I'm also not saying I'm now immune to such thoughts, but I have definitely come a long way, with God's help. I agree with what Beth Moore said: "We can be beautiful, darling, adorable women...and still cover up our private parts!!" WORD.
I know I'm probably in a minority of women who feel this way, but I'm just putting it out there. I'd like to think my power and significance come from something greater than my body (especially now that it's been through pregnancy!). If I ever have a daughter, she probably won't want to be my friend during her teenage years - you know, the ones where her father and I will say: "You must be crazy if you think you're leaving the house like that, young lady!" But I'm fine with that. And even if I never have a daughter, I'd like to at least convey to the Young Life girls I work with that they are already powerful, significant women, not because of how they look or how they dress, but because of God's love for them.
That's it. That's all. Ok, love me or leave me...this is Modest Mouse, signing out for the weekend!
Your adornment must not be merely external - braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a quiet and gentle spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. - 1 Peter 3:3-4
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Eggs, Eggs Baby
Per my doctor's instructions I am using an ovulation predictor kit (OPK) this month. It's so weird - every morning I wait for those two little lines to appear - but so far, there's only been one.
So no ovulating yet, according to the OPK. It's kind of unnerving...I'm about halfway through my cycle (well, supposedly...who really knows??) and nothing has happened yet. According to the ovulation predictor on Babycenter.com, I was "supposed" to have ovulated between the 11th and the 16th of this month.
Granted, I know today is the 16th, and I know that the predictor is a computer without a brain, it doesn't know me, it doesn't know my body...but I'm beginning to think I don't either! I'm beginning to think it's got a mind of its own!
So I'm going to have to keep on praying, keep on reminding myself that God is in control, keep on trusting that things happen for a reason...and keep on waiting for that other doggone line to make an appearance!
I'm sure one of these days (well after my second child is born and has the capacity to make mommy crazy by emptying the contents of a bookshelf or throwing all their food on the floor), I will look back and laugh about this. I'm sure then I'll be reminding myself just how badly I wanted this second child...and I'll try to loosen up in that moment (though it wouldn't hurt to start right now!) and thank God for the little blessing that I had to wait for.
So no ovulating yet, according to the OPK. It's kind of unnerving...I'm about halfway through my cycle (well, supposedly...who really knows??) and nothing has happened yet. According to the ovulation predictor on Babycenter.com, I was "supposed" to have ovulated between the 11th and the 16th of this month.
Granted, I know today is the 16th, and I know that the predictor is a computer without a brain, it doesn't know me, it doesn't know my body...but I'm beginning to think I don't either! I'm beginning to think it's got a mind of its own!
So I'm going to have to keep on praying, keep on reminding myself that God is in control, keep on trusting that things happen for a reason...and keep on waiting for that other doggone line to make an appearance!
I'm sure one of these days (well after my second child is born and has the capacity to make mommy crazy by emptying the contents of a bookshelf or throwing all their food on the floor), I will look back and laugh about this. I'm sure then I'll be reminding myself just how badly I wanted this second child...and I'll try to loosen up in that moment (though it wouldn't hurt to start right now!) and thank God for the little blessing that I had to wait for.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
The Most Important Job in the World
I'm working (at the hospital) three days this week - ick! I mean I like my job (most of the time) but it's making me very tired and very cranky to have to be away from home and my boy. I hate that the housework falls by the wayside (more so than usual!) when I work and the laundry piles up, seemingly taunting me every time I go near the hamper. UGH, hats off to working moms and single moms - it's just plain not for me!
I am so glad I have today off (and by off I mean catching up with my boy, catching up with housework, and smacking some of that sassy laundry around). Seriously, the days off make me appreciate my favorite job, my real job so much more than if I was just home all the time I think. Not to mention it helps the family stay financially afloat. So I know it's a good thing, it's a flexible job and I pretty much get to choose when I work. Not many people can say that! I'm trying to count my blessings.
I think one of the reasons it's hardest for me to work (especially during the week when I have to take Josh to a sitter - who, thankfully, we adore and she adores our boy) is that I don't consider being a hospital social worker my real job. Being a wife and mom is, I believe a very high calling - not everyone is called to it, but those who are - well they are very blessed and very challenged. Challenged to find balance between home and work, challenged to make the home a place of comfort and joy, and challenged to raise up the next generation - our precious children! We are challenged to cultivate a marriage that helps our children to feel safe and secure - and one that brings us closer to God as we become closer to our spouse.
Some friends and I are studying the book of Esther in Bible study right now and the title of the study is: Esther: It's Tough To Be a Woman! Beth Moore is the author - and she's really wonderful. In one of the video portions of the study, Beth read a letter from a woman who discussed why it's tough for her to be a woman. The woman wrote about being a mother and feeling like it can be such a thankless job so much of the time that it didn't seem to her that what she was doing as a mom was a very important job at all.
I have been haunted by hearing that ever since. I felt so bad for that woman, my heart completely went out to her. I came home from Bible study that night and told my husband what she had said and how it stuck with me. I seriously looked at him, with tears in my eyes and said, "Thank you for making me feel like I have the most important job in the world. Thank you for working so hard so that I can do my job well and be here to raise our son."
And he, being the wonderful man he is, looked back at me and said: "You do have the most important job in the world and you are amazing at it."
It was one of those sweet moments where you think to yourself: It seriously doesn't get much better than this.
I am so glad I have today off (and by off I mean catching up with my boy, catching up with housework, and smacking some of that sassy laundry around). Seriously, the days off make me appreciate my favorite job, my real job so much more than if I was just home all the time I think. Not to mention it helps the family stay financially afloat. So I know it's a good thing, it's a flexible job and I pretty much get to choose when I work. Not many people can say that! I'm trying to count my blessings.
I think one of the reasons it's hardest for me to work (especially during the week when I have to take Josh to a sitter - who, thankfully, we adore and she adores our boy) is that I don't consider being a hospital social worker my real job. Being a wife and mom is, I believe a very high calling - not everyone is called to it, but those who are - well they are very blessed and very challenged. Challenged to find balance between home and work, challenged to make the home a place of comfort and joy, and challenged to raise up the next generation - our precious children! We are challenged to cultivate a marriage that helps our children to feel safe and secure - and one that brings us closer to God as we become closer to our spouse.
Some friends and I are studying the book of Esther in Bible study right now and the title of the study is: Esther: It's Tough To Be a Woman! Beth Moore is the author - and she's really wonderful. In one of the video portions of the study, Beth read a letter from a woman who discussed why it's tough for her to be a woman. The woman wrote about being a mother and feeling like it can be such a thankless job so much of the time that it didn't seem to her that what she was doing as a mom was a very important job at all.
I have been haunted by hearing that ever since. I felt so bad for that woman, my heart completely went out to her. I came home from Bible study that night and told my husband what she had said and how it stuck with me. I seriously looked at him, with tears in my eyes and said, "Thank you for making me feel like I have the most important job in the world. Thank you for working so hard so that I can do my job well and be here to raise our son."
And he, being the wonderful man he is, looked back at me and said: "You do have the most important job in the world and you are amazing at it."
It was one of those sweet moments where you think to yourself: It seriously doesn't get much better than this.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
He Moves in Mysterious Ways
Major bummer: I'm still not pregnant. Geez Louise, this is turning out to be quite the emotional roller coaster! It's so hard because half the month you're "trying" to get pregnant and the other half, you're wondering "am I pregnant?" And you so desperately want to be pregnant that you start thinking of cute baby names, and wondering if it's a boy or a girl, when in fact, in all likelihood: you are not yet PREGNANT!
As frustrating as it has been these past 6 months (and trust me, I know there are many women who go longer than that, and also those who are unable to conceive altogether), I have amazing friends and family who have seemingly unending patience with my lack of faith! One particular friend divulged to me that it took her a year to get pregnant with 3 out of her 4 kids. She gave me some really great encouragement this morning to:
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7
She also reminded me that God's timing is absolutely perfect. And also - that sex + ovulation doesn't necessarily always = a baby.
No kidding!!! :)
I don't know why I believe the devil's lie that if I try to control everything and hold on so tightly to everything that somehow it will work out better for me than if I TRUST IT ALL to my CREATOR! Who loves me like He does? NO ONE!
Whew, considering that alone, in addition to the blessing of my amazing husband, little man and not to mention some stellar family and friends I am blessed indeed.
Also, it's so very true that EVERY baby is just a complete miracle - it saddens me when people are too caught up in science that they can't find God...and here I am basically doing the same thing! The "But I'm doing everything RIGHT, everything I SHOULD be doing, Lord!" cries of my heart are just plain silly in light of the fact that I know full well God opens the wombs of women in HIS TIME in HIS WAY, and it really has nothing to do with science at all!
Sarah barren her whole life, then conceived at nearly 100! Elizabeth couldn't have kiddos, then WHAM here comes John the Baptist when she least expected it! And heaven help Mary, who didn't even GET to have any fun at all before Baby #1, aka our Lord and Savior came on the scene.
Yeah...I guess it's pretty much safe to say He moves in mysterious, amazing, and wonderful ways.
So for now, I'm holding my sweet boy tighter every day and holding on to God's promises for dear life. I'm working on that whole trust thing, too. And I'm ever so thankful that God's not done with me yet because I've got a long way to go!!
As frustrating as it has been these past 6 months (and trust me, I know there are many women who go longer than that, and also those who are unable to conceive altogether), I have amazing friends and family who have seemingly unending patience with my lack of faith! One particular friend divulged to me that it took her a year to get pregnant with 3 out of her 4 kids. She gave me some really great encouragement this morning to:
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7
She also reminded me that God's timing is absolutely perfect. And also - that sex + ovulation doesn't necessarily always = a baby.
No kidding!!! :)
I don't know why I believe the devil's lie that if I try to control everything and hold on so tightly to everything that somehow it will work out better for me than if I TRUST IT ALL to my CREATOR! Who loves me like He does? NO ONE!
Whew, considering that alone, in addition to the blessing of my amazing husband, little man and not to mention some stellar family and friends I am blessed indeed.
Also, it's so very true that EVERY baby is just a complete miracle - it saddens me when people are too caught up in science that they can't find God...and here I am basically doing the same thing! The "But I'm doing everything RIGHT, everything I SHOULD be doing, Lord!" cries of my heart are just plain silly in light of the fact that I know full well God opens the wombs of women in HIS TIME in HIS WAY, and it really has nothing to do with science at all!
Sarah barren her whole life, then conceived at nearly 100! Elizabeth couldn't have kiddos, then WHAM here comes John the Baptist when she least expected it! And heaven help Mary, who didn't even GET to have any fun at all before Baby #1, aka our Lord and Savior came on the scene.
Yeah...I guess it's pretty much safe to say He moves in mysterious, amazing, and wonderful ways.
So for now, I'm holding my sweet boy tighter every day and holding on to God's promises for dear life. I'm working on that whole trust thing, too. And I'm ever so thankful that God's not done with me yet because I've got a long way to go!!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Miracles Happen Every Day
My mom just called me with some FABULOUS news! My dad, who found out he has an aggressive type of cancer (caught early, thankfully!) is now CANCER FREE! After having surgery in October, his doctor told him they were unable to get all of the cancer. They would need to check his levels in another couple of months to see if the cancer would spread or basically dissipate on its own.
I'm no doctor, but I've certainly never heard of an aggressive type of cancer that "dissipates on its own." But my family turned it all over to God, and my husband and I, along with the rest of my family prayed every single day that it would, somehow go away. And I guess they're right when they say miracles happen every day because my dad is living proof of it today!!!
I couldn't be more thankful and happy. My parents are leaving next week for their 30th anniversary celebration in Hawaii. Now they will also be able to celebrate my dad's clean bill of health. THANK YOU, JESUS!!
My Dad will still have to go every 6 months (for the next five years) to get his levels checked and make sure the cancer doesn't return. But, for now, we are in a state of sheer joy and utter relief!
The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. - Psalm 18:2
I'm no doctor, but I've certainly never heard of an aggressive type of cancer that "dissipates on its own." But my family turned it all over to God, and my husband and I, along with the rest of my family prayed every single day that it would, somehow go away. And I guess they're right when they say miracles happen every day because my dad is living proof of it today!!!
I couldn't be more thankful and happy. My parents are leaving next week for their 30th anniversary celebration in Hawaii. Now they will also be able to celebrate my dad's clean bill of health. THANK YOU, JESUS!!
My Dad will still have to go every 6 months (for the next five years) to get his levels checked and make sure the cancer doesn't return. But, for now, we are in a state of sheer joy and utter relief!
The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. - Psalm 18:2
Monday, January 23, 2012
Disney Dreamin'
Stopped into a church...I passed along the way....oooh I got down on my knees! And I began to praaaay! I'm Disney Dreamin' on such a winter's day!
As I write this post, my sister, along with MANY others of my best friends are headed to Disney World for Young Life's All Staff Conference. This conference happens every 4 years and everyone who is paid staff for Young Life gathers in Orlando for conferences and a few days of fun in the sun! Seriously, I have considered working for Young Life for this sole reason. Note: there are certainly other reasons I would work for them; it's an organization I believe in very much. However, why would they pay for my labor when they can get it for free!? :)
Anyway, my husband and I are planning on taking a quick getaway just the two of us this summer, right when school gets out. The jury is still out on where we're going, but one of the places in the running is actually Disney World!! I'm a huge Disney fan (as if you couldn't tell), and my husband just smiles and quietly supports my obsession. As long as he doesn't have to pay for it. Which, thus far, he has not.
Four years ago, when I graduated from grad school, my parents took my husband and I, and my sister and her husband (fiancee at the time) to Disney World for four days. It was MAGICAL!! And it was all-expenses paid.
This time around, my parents have graciously offered to let us use their timeshare (through Disney, of course!) for our getaway. We are still on the lookout for other deals to places we have never been before, but I just don't think we can beat a free place to stay for four nights/five days. So I'm praying my hubby gets on board (or we find an insanely good deal somewhere else). But mostly, just praying my hubby gets on board!!
The pic at the top is from that most magical trip to Disney World - me, my dad, and my sister in front of Cinderella's Castle. Here's hoping we get back there this year!
Friday, January 6, 2012
It's About to Get Pinteresting
I have posted before about my lack of wanting more "technology." Maybe technology isn't the right word - social media outlets is probably better.
I don't want a Twitter, I don't understand it. Now people are talking about something new...Pinterest. Or maybe it's not new to anyone else, but it's new to me.
Once I saw enough of my friends talking about it on Facebook (my social network of choice), I decided to check it out for myself. And IT. IS. SO. COOL.
You probably already know what it is, but it's an online pinboard where you can post pictures of things you'd like to do to your house, recipes, fashion, or just about anything you can think of. I've already been on it a ton in the last few days and, dare I say, this could be more addicting than Facebook!
Great, just what I need, something else that sucks my precious time away. But I truly do think this could be used for good. I've already gotten a lot of ideas for ways to organize my house, decorate, recipes I'd like to try, and clothes I want to buy (someday). It's so fun to see things your friends like and then find stuff you like from them! I have to say I didn't think I was going to be a believer, but I AM!
Plus, through Pinterest I found an awesome new blog that I am obsessed with! It's called "The Complete Guide to Imperfect Homemaking" and can be found here:
The woman who writes it is a Christian mom of 5 (I believe), including twins and has to be, like...the craftiest mom EVER. Her house is adorable (and looks so CLEAN!) and she just really seems to have it all together. I already commented (and probably freaked her out!) by asking incredulously, "How the HECK do you do all that?" I only have one and I'm not half the homemaker she apparently is!
But there's always room to grow. I'm excited to get some projects started in my house in 2012 - i.e. organizing the linen closet, the coat closet...well, just about every closet! In general, just trying to make our home sweet home a little, well...homier. I've got the Pinspiration, now all I need is the perspiration!
You notice what I did there? Try not to fall off your chair laughing at how punny I am. Please.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Can't....Keep...Eyes...Open
So I'm exhausted. Josh finally did take a good nap yesterday but last night was horrible. He was coughing ALL night - I thought he was getting better. Maybe he is, everything is just breaking up.
This morning when he was playing with toys in his crib I came in to check on him and he had a literal mustache of snot. And I'm too tired to care that that was probably TMI.
I just put him down for his nap with a pillow in his crib to elevate his head and help him breathe a little easier. My fingers (and toes) are crossed that he will sleep for at least a couple of hours. Because I. Need. Sleep.
And so does he. Night night! Or as Josh would say, Na Na!
This morning when he was playing with toys in his crib I came in to check on him and he had a literal mustache of snot. And I'm too tired to care that that was probably TMI.
I just put him down for his nap with a pillow in his crib to elevate his head and help him breathe a little easier. My fingers (and toes) are crossed that he will sleep for at least a couple of hours. Because I. Need. Sleep.
And so does he. Night night! Or as Josh would say, Na Na!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Happy New Year!!
WHOA! I can't believe it's been over a month since my last post...crazy how time flies! One of my resolutions is to be WAY better about keeping up with the blog - even if it's a short little post about our day. I think I often "over thought" things with my blogging before, assuming I had to have a "topic" or something interesting to write about in order for people to want to read it. But if I'm really blogging for the love of writing and to have a little diary of my family happenings, I guess it shouldn't matter too much if other people want to read about it or not!!
So here's the quick update for this first day of 2012 - I'm sick. BLECH a dreaded stomach bug, although I'm not throwing up. Because I hate that. Just about more than anything. Well, actually it's third after snakes and tornadoes. But I digress.
Hubby and I spent New Year's Eve in pajamas on the couch watching Seinfeld on DVD and drinking ginger ale from champagne glasses. We didn't even get a good smooch at midnight in because I was afraid to infect him...and he was just as afraid! After watching the ball drop and a peck on the cheek, we dubbed our NYE "the lamest ever" but smiled and laughed about how blessed we had been in 2011, thought it had it's rough patches.
In other news, I'm still not pregnant. I took it pretty hard in December, but I actually just took another test last night and still nothing. We were actually slightly relieved because I have been so sick for three days, hardly eating anything. I think we both would have been worried if I had been pregnant because I also had a fever and that can really complicate things during pregnancy, especially the first trimester.
So we're hoping and praying God will bless us with another precious child in 2012 and as my husband says with a smile (one of these days I will slap him), "I guess we'll just have to try harder!"
We're counting our blessings in our house, and looking forward to a bright new year full of God's gifts and provision. Happy New Year - let's hear it for new beginnings!
So here's the quick update for this first day of 2012 - I'm sick. BLECH a dreaded stomach bug, although I'm not throwing up. Because I hate that. Just about more than anything. Well, actually it's third after snakes and tornadoes. But I digress.
Hubby and I spent New Year's Eve in pajamas on the couch watching Seinfeld on DVD and drinking ginger ale from champagne glasses. We didn't even get a good smooch at midnight in because I was afraid to infect him...and he was just as afraid! After watching the ball drop and a peck on the cheek, we dubbed our NYE "the lamest ever" but smiled and laughed about how blessed we had been in 2011, thought it had it's rough patches.
In other news, I'm still not pregnant. I took it pretty hard in December, but I actually just took another test last night and still nothing. We were actually slightly relieved because I have been so sick for three days, hardly eating anything. I think we both would have been worried if I had been pregnant because I also had a fever and that can really complicate things during pregnancy, especially the first trimester.
So we're hoping and praying God will bless us with another precious child in 2012 and as my husband says with a smile (one of these days I will slap him), "I guess we'll just have to try harder!"
We're counting our blessings in our house, and looking forward to a bright new year full of God's gifts and provision. Happy New Year - let's hear it for new beginnings!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Busy Bee Me
I have been a busy, busy bee lately and it's all good stuff but whew it's wearing me out! On a happy note, my doctor's appointment went well and the doctor told me I'm a) probably exhausted because I have an 18 month old (blood tests all came back normal) and b) it's too early to worry about any other reason that I'm not pregnant yet - so a clean bill of health! Yay! It probably was too early to worry, but that is something I am always trying to work on - having peace in all circumstances and being anxious for nothing!
This weekend has been a lot packed into a little bit of time and it's not over yet! I worked yesterday and it was a CRAAZZZY busy, super overwhelming day at work. In addition, my boss (who's super nice but super stressed) asked if I could work Monday and Wednesday next week. I'm already working Friday, Saturday, Sunday...and my in-laws are coming for the week, arriving on Monday. I felt bad saying no, but there is absolutely no way I want to work more days next week. Matt's family lives so far away and we so rarely get to spend time with them so we really want to spend as much time as possible with them when we can. They are very understanding about the fact that we are on a tight budget and every little bit helps, but clearly it's way too much to work the whole time they are here! Goodness knows the next time we'll see them after this visit.
Straight from work we had leadership for Young Life, which is a great time but so much of me wants to just crash on the couch after a long day (which felt like a week) at work. I'm glad we got to have good fellowship with our friends and co-leaders last night but it meant we got to bed late too - and the past few nights with Josh have not been good ones. Poor little thing must be teething again...I swear it's harder on me than it is on him!
Today I took some Young Life girls to breakfast and we did a video for club for next week, then I was supposed to go to a baby shower two and a half hours away, but decided at the last minute (which I felt guilty for!) that it just wouldn't be feasible. Our reliable car was in the shop and I had another commitment to be back for at 6pm...which ended up getting cancelled. Still, it was a busy day of errands that took a lot longer than I had hoped. Grocery store and Costco the Saturday before Thanksgiving = a nightmare! I narrowly escaped with my life.
Tomorrow will be busy as well but I'm so happy we'll be able to go to church. One thing I hate about working so many weekends is that we often have to miss church because of my schedule. It makes us really appreciate the Sundays we can go. And as Thanksgiving rapidly approaches, despite the busy, crazy, hectic days, it's good to be mindful of all our blessings, big and small.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Out of Control
Typically family planning is stuff you keep secret - the first few months of pregnancy it's supposed to be very hush-hush. Only a select few in the "circle of trust" know until the first trimester is over and it's "safe" to tell the world that a new, beautiful life is on the way.
Well, I'm not pregnant, but I'd like to be. And that's been true for a few months now, so I've decided just to go ahead and be honest about it. I wish I could have that first trimester secret, but no such luck. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for about three months now and as of yet there's no baby to speak of.
I'm trying not to be too disappointed because we haven't been "trying" that hard - we're just "not not trying" as my husband and I like to say. Also, I know so many people who can't get pregnant at all, and I already have one beautiful blessing to call my own. Furthermore, it's only been a few months since I've been off birth control and they typically tell you not to worry unless it's been a year.
And that's where my trust issue has come into play big time. Since my husband is a teacher and it worked so well last time having a child in the late spring/summer, that's what we were hoping for again this time. Well, it doesn't look like that's going to happen. Looks like God has another plan in mind for us. And we are trusting that it's a plan better than our own.
It was very difficult for me when my son was born those first few weeks when my husband was still working. And it was SUCH a relief when he finally had the summer off to help out and be with us. It's hard to believe sometimes that we don't have more control over things that for some reason we think we should have control over. Which is hilarious because for thousands of years there was no such thing as "family planning" - or at least not that I'm aware of. Now we have all this technology and information and I think sometimes it does more harm than good.
For instance, I've spent countless hours the past few days trying to google various things about myself - how long/short my cycles have been, that I've been terribly irregular, that I've been super tired - to try to see if there is something wrong with me. Not my best idea, I admit.
Anyway, I've been praying about it a lot, and my husband has too. I do have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow just to make sure everything's OK. I'm sure it will all be fine, but this whole process has really made me appreciate the sweet child I already have - so much so that if he's the only one I can have for some reason - I will still have joy every day from him and from God, who gave him to us.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Better than Nada
My mom with my son
My sister and I with our boys at EaserLately, there's been a lot of difficult stuff going on in my family. My dad found out a few weeks ago that he has prostate cancer - nothing that's spread or isn't treatable, but it was still tough news for my dad and the rest of the family. Also, my Nana, who I absolutely adore (and who I happen to be named after) is very close to the end of her life, according to the hospice nurse who has been taking care of her.
I'm not mentioning these things to be a huge downer, but they have been on my mind a lot lately. It makes me feel so far away from my family and I wish more than anything I could be there for them while we all struggle through these hard times. Sunday afternoon I was feeling pretty low and texted my sister to see if we could have a "Skype lunch date" on Monday at noon (when both of our sons nap).
So yesterday I got to have a "fake sheesh date" (yes we call each other sheesh. and no, you may not make fun of us for that!). It was so fun to be able to see her for a little bit and just talk face to face (albeit not in the same room) for a bit. So thank you, makers of Skype for keeping families together, one video call at a time. It wasn't the same as being able to go to the mall together or have our sons on a playdate, but I'll take what I can get. As the old song goes, "A little bit is better than nada..." Still, sometimes you want the whole enchilada. I know I do.
I miss my family so much - it's terribly difficult being the only one in the family who lives far from everyone else who lives in one central location (Ohio). It's only an 8 hour drive, but with a toddler, 8 hours can seem like 80! The Buckeye State seems just far enough away that it's nearly impossible to get to for anything shorter than a week. Obviously, that's not true (we're actually headed there for a wedding in less than two weeks!), but it seems a world away from here sometimes.
Although I'm sad to be physically separated from my family, I know that there's a reason for it. I may not understand it now, but I trust God that at least for now, this is what's best for me. He knows me better than I know myself and so, I walk by faith. At least I'm never far at all from my Heavenly Dad.
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